Tag Archives: noah

Top Five Bible Myths

Top Five Bible Myths

The bible itself contains some excellent myths of such fantastical magnitude that it turns reading Alice in Wonderland and dropping two taps of paper acid seem quite unexciting and normal.There’s so much on the bible’s bollocks but I have to cut it all down.

Number Five: Inconsistencies

If you think that your bible is the inspired inerrant word of the living god then it seems to me that any flaws in it render this proposition false full stop. The bible is supposed to have been written by the creator of the universe but, I think you or I would sit down one afternoon and come up with some way to improve upon it. There’s so many basic mistakes in the text that it couldn’t have been written by an magical being in the sky.

Here’s a small few for you:

How old was Ahaziah when he began to rule over Jerusalem?

(a) Twenty-two (2 Kings 8:26)

(b) Forty-two (2 Chronicles 22:2)

Solomon built a facility containing how many baths?
(a) Two thousand (1 Kings 7:26)

(b) Over three thousand (2 Chronicles 4:5)

What was the exact wording on the cross?

(a) “This is Jesus the King of the Jews” (Matthew 27:37)

(b) “The King of the Jews” (Mark 15:26)

(c) “This is the King of the Jews” (Luke 23:38)

(d) “Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews” (John 19:19)

Did Jesus pray to The Father to prevent the crucifixion?

(a) Yes. (Matthew 26:39; Mark 14:36; Luke 22:42)

(b) No. (John 12:27)

That’s just a tiny amount. There’s a hell of a lot more.

Number Four: Virgin Birth

Tell me what is more likely—that a woman would conceive a child without doing the nasty or that she would lie about it?

Number Three: Noah’s Flood

There is so many nuts trying to validate a world-wide flood that they have stooped to coming up with bare faced lies. First, if there was a flood that covered the world wide water this would increase water vapour in the atmosphere to a point that it would drown everything just be breathing. Where did all this water come from? There’s a plethora of scientific facts on the problems with a worldwide flood. Google Noah’s flood science for the facts.

Number Two: We Get Our Morals from the Bible

In Genesis 19 the apocalyptic tale of Sodom & Gomorrah has an even more sinister sub-plot—Lot who was held captive in the city was to be rescued by two male angels sent by god—however, as the angles were attempting to rescue Lot and his family they were going to be raped by the city’s inhabitants—Lot was sickened by the thought of these chaste beings being violated barbarically that he offered the hoards his two virgin daughters as fodder but they were uninterested—what they wanted was to sodomise angels. If god was so powerful why would he need to send angels to rescue Lot and risk his angels’ flowers? On a wider picture why is god going around destroying cities and committing genocide?Do you think you are a good person because you read this? Of course not. The old testament is full of people like Abraham who are really not worth anything in terms of moral emulation and god himself is even less of a role model considering what he done to Job and the whim in which he decides to wipe out all life on Earth.

However, we are told that emulation is not the only way that we are to derive our morals from the bible in some places we are directly told in no uncertain terms how we are to act. I suppose the most famous of these is the ten commandments. They are regarded as the ultimate source of morals period god regarded them so important that he chose to write them himself—the only thing he has ever written—and for added dramatics in stone.

The story goes that Moses up on Mount Sinai was confronted by a burning bush i.e. god where he was given a list of god’s holy commandments. However, no sooner than Moses was away up the mountain were his tribe making a golden calf to worship. Moses ran down the mountain and destroyed the calf and sent the tribe off on a holy war Numbers 31 is a particular example of Moses’ divine compassion:

17Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man intimately.

18But keep alive for yourselves all the young girls who have not known a man intimately.

Here is the list given to Moses however, notice that there are 12 in this list that is because different denominations have grouped them differently but the substance remains the same regardless:-

1. I am the Lord thy God.

2. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

3. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol.

4. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God.

5. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

6. Honour thy Mother and Father

.7. Thou shalt not murder.

8. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

9. Thou shalt not steal.

10. Thou shalt not bear false witness

11. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife.

12. You shall not covet thy neighbour’s goods.

What could be wrong with this list? It seems ok does it not? Well the first five are just egotistical servility codified. The rest can you tell me that before these were enumerated people thought that all these things were fine to do? This was not a sudden revelation—I do not think that the Faithfull’s hearts would have sank to know that no longer are they allowed to go on murderous rampages or they can no longer steal their father’s shekels to stay out past curfew to see the next stoning of an adulterous wife.

Sam Harris in a speech to the Aspen Ideas Festival makes a astute observation on the ten commandments he asks how could they be improved upon—a divinely written list that no moral could dare to improve— well this daring man suggests some dingers, perhaps—he says Thou Shalt Not Abuse Children or Do not deep fry all your food.

On the internet there are many people who are working on creating their own set of commandments secular in nature and in my opinion improve hugely on the biblical list. Want more examples of what the bible tells us to do? Leviticus 21 is says:-

9 ” ‘If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head.

10 ” ‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

11 ” ‘If a man sleeps with his father’s wife, he has dishonored his father. Both the man and the woman must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

12 ” ‘If a man sleeps with his daughter-in-law, both of them must be put to death. What they have done is a perversion; their blood will be on their own heads.

No moral human being would ever subscribe to this twisted standard of righteousness.Is the new testament any better than its predecessor? Well for many the new testament is a modifier that quietens the vicious teachings of the law hitherto. They placate their inherent sensibilities by suggesting that Jesus’ teachings washed away the unpalatable scripture that preceded him.

However, I refer you to:-
18For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

19Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
— Matthew5


16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3


34and the Scripture cannot be broken.
— John 10

The law of the old testament is fully endorsed and incorporated into Jesus’ communion. It seems clear that Jesus did attest to the validity of the law of the old testament as morally acceptable in his church. Why wouldn’t he—sure was it not the same god? Surly an omniscient god would not be disposed to completely reverse all of his past precedent in the 1 CE.

Number One: Creation Myth

In the beginning god created the heavens and the Earth. Open a copy of the bible at page 1 and read this account of the creation of the universe. It’s a far-fetched story of the creation of the universe in 6 days. We have come a long way since these were scrawled onto paper a few thousand years ago. We now know a lot more about science and the genesis of our universe. Of course we are not nearly at the place that we can say exactly how it happened but what we do have is a lot better than this voodoo nonsense.


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